


On The Road

by thelonelywriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Banter, Fluff, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 00:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonelywriter/pseuds/thelonelywriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley, Sam, Dean, and Cas all have to take a day's worth of driving road trip that none of them are happy about. This is some of the dialogue that occurs during said road trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Road

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT, I know that this took me forever to write but this was from a prompt sent to me by [thinkdouble-pink](http://thinkdouble-pink.tumblr.com) over on tumblr: _"Okay good! Hey I know it's getting late (at least for me it is) but I have a canon divergent fic idea. Based off road trip in season 9 Cas, Sam, and Dean need a still captured Crowley to help on a case. Unfortunately the case is a day's drive away. So the whole fic is their conversations in the impala maybe a diner stop thrown in there too (can you imagine Crowley trying to order caviar or something at a diner?). I don't know if this is your type a thing but you do write Sam so well and I would just love to see what dialogue he would say in this situation."_ So, I hope that this is what you wanted, I'm really sorry that it took so long to get to you, dialogue is a difficult thing to write!!

“Remind me again why I’m doing this,” Crowley said as Sam, Dean, and Cas all walked up to the Impala. Dean sighed, looking over at Crowley as he opened the driver’s side door.

“Because we made a deal, if you help us there’s something in it for you,” Dean told Crowley who narrowed his eyes.

“And I’m really going to have to sit in that stupid car of yours the whole way?” 

Dean pointed a finger at him. “She’s not stupid, and if you don’t just get in the damn car the deal’s off,” Dean said, and Crowley rolled his eyes, opening the back door and sliding into the backseat. Sam slid in next to him where in the front Dean sat behind the wheel and Cas sat next to him.

“I’m already uncomfortable,” Crowley muttered as Dean started the engine.

“Well, it’s a day’s drive so get comfy,” Dean said, smiling at Crowley in the rear view mirror.

\---

The next couple of miles were utter dead silence so Cas finally spoke up. “Is this whole drive just going to be awkward silence?” he inquired. Sam huffed a breath of laughter.

“It’s better than Dean playing music,” he mumbled, but Dean caught it.

“Hey, I pick great music,” Dean argued, Cas looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m actually on Sam’s side for this one,” Cas told Dean, who glanced over at Cas.

“What? I thought you liked my music,” Dean said. Cas seemingly pondered it for a second.

“Well, you play it quite loudly, Dean,” he told Dean.

“Agreed,” Sam piped up.

“Well at least I don’t play pop music,” Dean said, glaring over at Cas who pursed his lips.

“Just because I like pop music, that doesn’t mean anything,” Cas replied.

“Keep telling yourself that, Cas,” Dean muttered.

“Dean.”

“Cas.”

“Don’t use that tone of voice with me,” Cas warned. Dean shrugged.

“What tone?”

“Dean, don’t pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Castiel began, and Dean looked over at him.

“I don’t,” he replied simply.

“Dean this is not amusing,” Cas said, still glaring at Dean.

“Do they usually fight like an old married couple?” Crowley asked Sam, who laughed a little.

“Only sometimes,” Sam replied with a sigh.

“Hey, Sam, shut it!” Dean called into the backseat. Sam sighed once more.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

The car returned to utter silence for the next few miles until Crowley spoke up. “I actually can’t tell which I like better, the bickering between the lovebirds in the front seat or the awkward silence,” he mused.

“I just like it when you shut up,” Dean shot back. Castiel glanced back at Crowley.

“I take Dean’s side,” he said.

“I’m not getting into this,” Sam stated.

“Do you always have to be on someone’s side?” Crowley asked Castiel who shrugged.

“Well, I usually try to take Dean’s side when I can,” he replied, shooting Dean a little smile that Dean returned. Crowley scoffed.

“Ugh, disgusting,” he murmured. 

“I have to live with them,” Sam muttered back.

“Aw, c’mon, Sam, you love our company,” Dean said, glancing in the rearview mirror.

“To a certain extent,” Sam replied.

“At least your room isn’t next to ours anymore,” Dean shot back and Sam cringed.

“That’s actually true.”

“And that’s actually more information than I needed,” Crowley interrupted. Dean smirked.

“That’s nothing. Cas can give you way more,” Dean said, looking over at Cas who glanced in the backseat.

“Want more information?” Cas teased, completely deadpan.

“If you even try to give me more information I will smite you,” Crowley warned, and both Sam and Dean laughed. Cas smirked a little, turning back to where he sat and glancing at Dean as he did so.

“Well, have you decided which you like better? ‘Cause Cas and I can definitely bicker more, y’know, keep the conversation up in the car,” Dean suggested and Crowley smiled and shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary,” he assured Dean.

“I can put on some music,” Dean went on.

“No,” Crowley, Sam, and Cas all said in unison. Dean pursed his lips.

“Screw you guys, it’s good music,” Dean grumbled. Cas looked over at Dean with a small smile.

“Keep telling yourself that, Dean,” he said, and Dean shot him a look before returning his eyes to the road. There was a moment’s pause before Sam spoke up.

“So are we stopping at a motel or are we just making the drive?” he inquired. Dean shrugged.

“I figured that we could just make the drive. We’ll need to stop for food though, and gas,” Dean replied, and Crowley huffed a breath of laughter.

“Don’t even tell me that we’re going to have to stop at one of those bloody awful diners,” Crowley began.

“It’s not that bad, Dean lives off of diner food anyways,” Sam reassured Crowley who rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well he’s Dean,” Crowley told Sam, and Dean raised his eyebrows, glancing in the rearview mirror.

“You trying to insult me?” Dean inquired and Crowley waved his hand dismissively.

“It’s not about you, squirrel,” Crowley said, and Dean huffed a breath of laughter.

“Good to know,” Dean muttered.

“It’s just that I have a great distaste for the greasy food that they serve there and the whole entire setting of it all,” Crowley explained.

“Well, sorry we’re not taking you to the Ritz,” Dean told Crowley, who rolled his eyes.

“Can I at least just stay in the car?” Crowley asked and Sam snorted.

“No way, we have to keep our eye on you,” Sam told Crowley, who shot him a look.

“What, you think that I’m just going to smoke out of this whole deal?” 

“Well, you are Crowley, you’re not exactly trustworthy and reliable,” Castiel added, glancing back at Crowley.

“No one asked for your opinion,” Crowley said, obviously annoyed.

“Hey, take your anger out on Sam, not on Cas,” Dean said, glancing once more in the rearview mirror. Sam looked over at Dean.

“Dude, seriously?”

“Those are the rules.”

“Who makes the rules?” Sam asked, giving Dean his best bitch face. Dean just shrugged.

“I really don’t know actually,” Dean told Sam who rolled his eyes.

“Are we stopping for food soon because I’m hungry,” Cas piped up.

“Cas, you ate before we left,” Sam said. Cas shrugged.

“Still hungry,” he replied. Dean sighed and fished into his pocket, pulling out a granola bar and handing it to Cas. “How’d you…?” Cas began.

“Ever since you turned human you have the appetite of a bear. I figured that you’d start up fairly soon into the trip,” Dean told him. Cas smiled fondly over at him.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said as he took the granola bar in hand. Dean smiled softly over at him for a second.

“No problem, babe.”

“Oh, God, can we not with the pet names?” Crowley questioned from the back. Cas smirked a little as he bit into his granola bar.

“Just wait until they kiss,” Sam sighed, causing Dean to smirk too.

“Okay, I would prefer not to see that,” Crowley said. Dean looked ahead and made sure that he was clear for traffic before he turned his head towards Cas, who had just taken a bite of granola bar, and brought Cas towards him so that their lips could meet.

“Christ, Dean, watch the road,” Sam said whilst Crowley groaned.

“Alright, why did you have to do that, did you do that just because of what I said? Are you purposely trying to aggravate me more than I already am?” Crowley asked in an annoyed tone. Dean smirked proudly and nodded.

“Yup,” he replied happily, earning a glare from Crowley.

“Thanks for the kiss, babe,” Cas said, now on the same boat that Dean was on.

“It was my pleasure, babe,” Dean replied.

“I’m not going to make it through this bloody trip, I’m not even joking,” Crowley stated and Sam sighed.

“I’m on the same page as Crowley now, guys,” Sam agreed.

“Thank you, moose,” Crowley thanked Sam who rolled his eyes again.

\---

The four continued on like that with some awkward silences interspersed with some bickering until they needed to stop for gas. They weren’t even that far into the trip and it already felt like they had been on the road for a whole day.

Dean pulled up to one of the gas pumps, getting out of the car to pump it whilst Crowley stayed in the car, Sam and Cas running into the store to grab some snacks. Once Cas and Sam came out of the store, Dean went in to pay for the gas. And then finally, once Dean came back out of the store, they were all back in the Impala, ready to get back on the road.

“Are we really less than halfway through this trip?” Crowley asked from the backseat, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“We’ll get through it faster if you shut your mouth,” Dean shot back.

“Yeah but then it’ll just be more awkward silence,” Cas said with a hint of distaste in his voice.

“Why can’t it just be plain silence?” Sam asked.

“I think that Cas makes it awkward,” Crowley mused. Cas turned to face Crowley.

“Me?”

“Hey, what did I say about taking your anger out on Cas?” Dean butted in.

“Dean,” Sam said indignantly.

“I’m not angry per say, I’m aggravated, get it right squirrel,” Crowley said. Before Dean could talk Cas piped up.

“Why do I make things awkward?” Cas inquired and Crowley shrugged.

“You just do,” he replied, and Dean let out an angry sigh.

“Crowley,” he began in a warning tone.

“What? It’s not an insult, it’s a statement. And it’s not out of anger, it’s out of pure truth and observation,” Crowley told Dean who glared at him in the rearview mirror.

“Is it really that hard for you to shut your mouth?” Dean questioned.

“It’s not hard, I just choose not to because I like to annoy you,” Crowley told Dean.

“Don’t take your anger out on Dean, take it out on Sam,” Cas murmured, and Sam threw his arms up in the air.

“Does anyone care about me?” Sam inquired. Crowley titled his head and looked over at Sam.

“Currently, it doesn’t look like it,” he informed Sam who shot Crowley another bitch face.

“Oh, you’re too kind to me, Crowley,” Sam joked dryly. Crowley smiled sweetly.

“I know,” Crowley replied.

“Do I really make things awkward though?” Castiel asked, turning back to Crowley.

“Wow, I really struck a nerve, didn’t I?” Crowley muttered.

“Cas, you don’t make things awkward,” Dean assured Cas who looked over at Dean.

“Dean’s biased though,” Crowley butted in.

“Crowley, I swear to God,” Dean began. Crowley raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Hey, don’t take your anger out on me, take it out on Sam,” Crowley told Dean, and Sam huffed a breath of laughter.

“Yeah, thanks you guys, I’m really feeling loved right now,” Sam announced.

“Sam, calm down,” Dean sighed from the front.

“I am calm,” Sam replied in a very not calm voice.

“I don’t think that any of us are calm at the moment, actually,” Cas said, and Crowley gave a slow clap of his hands.

“Cassie is the bright one in the car,” Crowley joked.

“Don’t call him Cassie,” Dean said from the front.

“Defending your boyfriend now, are you?” Crowley questioned with amusement.

“Now you’re the bright one in the car, Crowley,” Dean shot back.

“Do I get a medal for that?” Crowley asked.

“You’ll get my fist in your face if you don’t shut up,” Dean went on.

“Aw, you really do love me,” Crowley joked with a smile.

“Crowley, no one likes you right now,” Castiel informed him.

“Actually, no one likes Sam right now,” Crowley told Cas.

“Should I just like get out of the car right now?” Sam piped up.

“Nah, you makes things more interesting,” Crowley told Sam, who shot him a glare.

“This is going to be one of the longest car rides that I have ever encountered,” Castiel muttered.

“How do you think the rest of us feel?” Crowley inquired. Cas shrugged.

“Dean’s angry, you’re aggravated, and Sam is feeling frustrated and probably a little useless,” Castiel told Crowley.

“That’s pretty accurate,” Sam said.

“Agreed,” Dean sighed.

“He really should get a medal for stating the obvious,” Crowley announced, nodding towards Cas.

“And you should get a medal for most obnoxious,” Dean added.

“With the way you’re talking I might suspect that you love me more than little Cassie,” Crowley began.

“Alright, what did I say about you calling him Cassie?” Dean inquired.

“Not really sure, a lot of the things that you say go in one ear and out the other,” Crowley informed Dean.

“Well, did you get that bit about me punching you in the face?” Dean asked.

“Dean, calm down,” Cas said, looking over at Dean.

“I am calm,” Dean said in a very not calm voice.

“Okay, you’re just lying right now,” Cas went on.

“Don’t want to lie anymore, squirrel, that just means more repressed feelings,” Crowley said with a nod.

“Do you really just like to annoy him?” Castiel inquired, turning back to Crowley. Crowley seemingly pondered it for a moment.

“Well, he gets annoyed very easily,” Crowley informed Cas.

“Dean is a very patient and kind person,” Cas went on. Crowley smiled sweetly.

“Aww, you should really write him a love poem, I’m sure that he’d appreciate it,” Crowley replied, earning a glare from Cas.

“I’d appreciate it if you’d shut your Goddamn mouth,” Dean said from the front seat. Crowley frowned.

“I take Dean’s side,” Cas said, glancing back at Crowley.

“Again with the sides,” Crowley sighed with a roll of his eyes.

“I take Dean’s side too, actually,” Sam added.

“Aw, c’mon, moose, I thought you were on my side,” Crowley said. Sam snorted.

“Ever since this trip started I have not been on your side,” Sam said.

“Actually you did take his side once when Dean and I were kissing,” Cas informed Sam.

“Alright, that was literally one time,” Sam said.

“Still counts,” Crowley shrugged, looking expectantly over at Sam.

“I’m not on your side, Crowley,” Sam told him.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Crowley shot back with a sigh.

There was another pause for another few miles and everything was going great even though the silence really was awkward because honestly, two hunters, a fallen angel, and the King of Hell in one car is a strange combination. But finally, Cas yawned, then paused and looked over at Dean.

“Can I rest my head on your shoulder? I’m tired,” Castiel murmured, and Dean nodded with a soft smile, letting Cas shuffle a little closer to him, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder with another yawn.

“Oh, gag me,” Crowley muttered from the back. Sam smiled softly.

“You’ve got to admit, they are kinda cute together,” Sam said, watching Dean take one hand off the wheel to run through Cas’ air.

“It’s sickening,” Crowley said, and Sam laughed a little.

“Too bad you’ve got to sit with them in the car for the rest of the trip,” Sam sighed.

“I might smite myself before this trip is over,” Crowley grumbled.

“Aww, but we would all miss you so much,” Sam joked and Crowley smiled sweetly over at him.

“I know, that’s why I’m not going to,” Crowley told Sam.

“Good,” Sam said before silence returned to the rest of the car. But, not for long because then the snoring started. At first, Crowley wasn’t sure what the noise was, but then he raised an eyebrow.

“Is that Cas?” he questioned. Dean glanced in the rearview mirror.

“Yup,” Dean simply replied. Crowley blinked.

“Well, can you make him stop?”

“I’m not gonna wake him up, he’s sleeping,” Dean said and Crowley rolled his eyes.

“You and Cas can share that award for stating the obvious. Now, seriously, make him stop snoring, it’s obnoxious,” Crowley replied, nodding towards Cas.

“I already told you no, I’m not going to wake him up,” Dean stated firmly.

“Want me to wake him up?” Crowley inquired, sitting forwards.

“Crowley, I swear to God, if you wake him up,” Dean began, his tone warning.

“Just stop that God awful snoring for Christ’s sake!” Crowley exclaimed.

“Keep your voice down,” Dean hissed, and Crowley groaned, rubbing his temples.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this, I’m the bloody King of Hell and I’m riding in this damn car with three idiots,” Crowley muttered.

“Just be a big girl and stop complaining,” Dean said, glaring at Crowley in the rearview mirror. Crowley glared right back until Dean returned his eyes to the road. Crowley just sat there for the next few miles listening to Cas snore whilst Sam simply looked out the window and Dean watched the road. It wasn’t as much awkward as it was annoying. Very annoying. And Crowley could only take so much.

“Alright, I give in, can we just stop at a bloody diner or a gas station or somewhere so that Cas can shut up?” Crowley inquired angrily from the back. Dean glanced in the rearview mirror with a distasteful look.

“Sam, are you hungry?” Dean questioned. Sam shrugged.

“I could eat,” he responded. Dean let out a sigh.

“Fine, we’ll stop at the next diner,” Dean relented.

“Oh, thank God,” Crowley muttered. But then, his plan backfired because Cas woke up with a yawn.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Dean said softly as Cas sat back up with another yawn.

“Was I asleep for long?” Cas questioned, and Dean shrugged.

“Not too long. We were just going to stop at the next diner that we see, does that sound good?” Dean asked, and Crowley shook his head.

“Oh, no, no, I just wanted to stop to get that snoring to stop, now that it’s stopped, we can just keep driving,” Crowley told Dean.

“Was I snoring?” Cas inquired.

“Yes, and it was obnoxious,” Crowley informed him.

“Crowley, we’re stopping at the next diner no matter what. You brought it to our attention, it was a good idea, and now we’re going to follow through with it,” Dean told Crowley. Crowley blinked. This really wasn’t the way he had planned for things to go. “You’re not staying in the car either, Sam’s right, we’ve got to keep our eye on you,” Dean said, glancing in the rearview mirror.

\---

Within the next few miles a roadside diner was found and soon enough the four were sliding into a booth, waiting for their ordered food.

“I can't believe I'm doing this,” Crowley muttered as the food was set down on the table.

“Can't you just stop whining?” Dean inquired.

“Yeah, I'll stop when this damn trip is over,” Crowley grumbled.

“Well, it's needless to say that we’ll all be thankful when this trip is over,” Cas muttered.

“Exactly,” Dean added before taking a bite of burger.

They ate in silence, Crowley flipping through the menu over and over as though something appetizing would appear if he just kept looking, but somehow it didn’t. Finally, however, everyone one was done eating and Dean was picking up the tab so that the four could head back to the Impala.

“Well, now all we have to do is get through a handful or so more miles,” Dean sighed as everyone slid back into the Impala. Crowley scoffed.

“If any of us will survive them,” he grumbled.

\---

The rest of the trip was filled with bickering, some yelling, and awkward silences. When the trip was over, absolutely no one was unhappy about. Pretty much all four of them were over the moon.

“Well, I would say that that trip was wonderful and I hope to see you boys again but I’d be lying on both accounts,” Crowley sighed.

“Yeah, we had fun with you too, Crowley,” Dean joked dryly, shooting Crowley a fake smile that Crowley returned.

“Alright can we manage to part ways without anymore fighting?” Sam inquired.

“Hopefully,” Cas muttered.

“Well, thank you for the deal, boys, I don't look forward to the next one,” Crowley bid.

“Yeah, me neither,” Dean grumbled, watching as Crowley vanished and Cas, Sam, and him were the only ones left. “Finally,” Dean sighed as Sam, Cas, and him all slid into the Impala.

“Well, that was definitely interesting,” Castiel mused and Sam sighed.

“Agreed,” Sam added and Dean nodded.

“It definitely was.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys thought!! Feedback is always welcome :) Here's [my tumblr](http://ughcas.tumblr.com) in case you want to send me a prompt or just be my internet friend, whatever is cool!! Thank you guys so so much for reading, I hope that all of you guys are doing well <3 Xoxo


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